I am a 25 year old woman from Yorkshire, England. I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 20. I had however previously struggled with my mental health for years before my diagnosis from about 13 years old. I also started self harming at 13 years old. Throughout my teenage & adult I’ve lived through much chaos & instability. I some how managed to get G.C.S.E’s & A-levels & move away to go to university at 19. This is when things became tougher for me & after a few months I was asked to leave as I was deemed too unwell to study. I was advised to move back home & get help. I did that & that was when I was diagnosed with BPD. I was allowed to return to university the following september & miraculously despite continuous chaos, self harm & drinking amongst other things I managed to pass my 1st year at university. I returned to start my 2nd year at university but was incredibly unwell by this time. I had developed an exceptionally unhealthy over attachment to my cpn. After an episode of serious self harm I was hospitalised & detained under the mental health act for the 1st time. Things escalated & I was quickly transferred to PICU where I spent 6 months before being transferred to a secure personality disorder unit. I spent a further 18 months there. Here I was further diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder & anti social personality disorder, the latter which i strongly disagree with. It wasn’t a pleasant experience being in the secure unit & I became really unwell again after 6 months there. After that period I was determined to get out & did everything I could to progress towards discharged. On my 24th birthday I was discharged & moved into my 1st ever flat on my own. I quickly returned to instability, chaos, self harm, drinking & many encounters with the police. I’ve had a further 10 admissions to hospital since discharge from my 2 year detention. Some sectioned under the mental health act & some informal. At the present moment I’ve recently been granted nhs funding to go into hospital again to get the treatment I need as therapy in the community isn’t possible. I started therapy in the community at the end of summer 2012 & it destabilised me significantly causing me to be sectioned again & my therapist terminated therapy after only 5 sessions. I have been on numerous medications since I was 1st hospitalised & I am currently on quetiapine XL 600mg nightly.

A few things about me none mental health related is that I love the colour purple, practically everything I own is purple & if not its black because I’m an alternative style person. I don’t class myself as a specific sub genre of alternative, I’m just me, I’m kind of a mash up of goth, emo, punk etc. interestingly I was not into alternative sub culture until I was 18. I spent my school years being somewhat of a chav, dressing in track suits & football shirts. I was very sporty when I was younger & played most sports at school including football. I love piercings & currently have 14 including 3 lip piercings, septum, 2 nose studs, bridge, scaffold, rook, tragus & a few others on my ears. Surprisingly I have no tattoos but I’ve always wanted one. I’ve just never settled on something I’d be happy to have inked on my body for the rest of my life. I love my music & mainly listen to post-hardcore but I am into everything from adele to Marylin Manson. My favourite artist of all time though is eminem. I’ve listened to eminem since I was 13. My favourite bands include bring me the horizon, as I lay dying, fightstar, falling in reverse, enter shikari, 30 seconds to mars, from autumn to ashes & haste the day. I love my movies too & have quite a large collection of DVDs. My favourite movies are girl interrupted, requiem for a dream, American history X, gothika, the butterfly effect, monster, the jacket & what dreams may come. I am also a proud Aunty to my 2 nephews & niece. I love them more than anything & anyone ever. My oldest nephew is 6, my niece is 4 & my other nephew was only recently born in April. After years of struggling with my sexuality I am now more comfortable in identifying as a lesbian. However relationships really aren’t my thing so I guess it’s irrelevant. I’ve been single all my life except a brief 6 week relationship when I was 20 with another woman. I sometimes yearn for a relationship but I’m quite a happy single. The only hobby I really have is card making. I was introduced to card making during my 2 year hospitalisation as craft was one of the few activities to occupy your time. I love writing poetry, it was the 1st thing that helped me to express myself. I had a few poems published in amateur anthologies between the ages of 8 & 10 but as I got older poetry was more away of getting out & expressing my difficult emotions & thoughts. The only thing about myself that I like is my nails. I was a nail bitter from since I can remember but a couple of years ago I stopped & grew my nails for the 1st time. I’m now pretty obsessed with keeping them perfect & I am lucky by the fact they are naturally strong & they grow pretty long. The only nail varnishes I own are either purple or black, see above, but I have practically every shade of purple there is. I’m pretty much a tv addict too. My favourite programmes are casualty, ncis, law & order svu & I’m a religious coronation street viewer. I also love my documentaries on murder & serial killers, bit of a morbid fascination. I like to watch the football too on tv & at my local club. I’m a huddersfield town fan & proud England fan although I probably have too much misplaced faith in our England team. I love my food too & love going out for a good meal whether it be pub grub or going for my favourite food, curry. I probably eat too much, well I know I do hence being about 8 stone overweight. I know I’m overweight & although I am obviously not over the moon with that It doesn’t bother me too much. My bad habit, besides eating too much is smoking too much. I love my cigarettes & can’t go without them. Maybe I’ll quit one day but for now I’m a happy smoker. I’m currently out of work due to my mental health but I do have career aspirations. I’ve been interested in mental health for a long time, probably sparked by my own mental health problems. I was doing a degree in psychology until I was sectioned & had to leave with the aim of becoming a psychologist. However I did change my career goal to be a mental health nurse. My ultimate goal in life is to be a nurse. Obviously I’ve got a lot of issues to work through on myself before I can do that but I really hope one day that I become a qualified nurse. So that’s pretty much all I can think about about myself. I only intended to write a paragraph or so but as usual I got carried away & rambled loads. So that’s it, this is me, hello 🙂


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